On Our Knees

*UPDATES*

3/30 1:30pm

*Tony's pain is still VERY high. He is a little more coherent today and can hold more of a conversation, BUT he's not getting discharged today. He is very weak. I was able to help him get showered and changed. (The man may be in pain, but, he HAS to be turning a corner cause he is CHEEKY! It was refreshing to see a little piece of his personality come back). The goal is to see if he can tolerate clear liquids at some point. That will be a HUGE progression.

*When he arrived, his Lipase level was over 3000. In 2019, when he had pancreatitis, it was 350. Today, it's at 272. We're heading in the right direction, but he just can't get a break from the pain and pressure.

*The MRI did not reveal a kink, blockage, or "sludge." Which is both good and bad. He doesn't need a stint, YAY, but they don't know WHAT is causing this. BOOO! The MRI showed all they expected for someone with pancreatitis. We are being referred to a gastroenterologist (once we break out of jail here) to see if they can do an ultrasound down into his intestinal area. (Medical people, I KNOW I didn't say that right). 

*He has mostly been asleep. But, the "cocktail" seems to be wearing off quicker and not lasting quite as long.

Much to his hesitation, they are switching to another med to see if it lasts a bit longer in his system. He reacted very badly to morphine, so he's quite nervous about the change.

*Tony's blood pressure is all over the place. When he's on the pain meds, it's ok. But, when the pain gets HIGH, so does his BP.

*The kids miss him. They girls all sent cards with me today, and they adorn the wall here. 

Micah got to go to school today thanks to his teacher being able to bring him home. Thank you, Diane!!

*Me. I'm tired. REALLY tired. When I'm home I want to be here. When I'm here I want to be at home. It's super important to me to tuck the kids in at night and be there when they awake. And I think Ezrah's little heart heals a bit when she sleeps in Tony's spot. I'm not sleeping much, but it's home, and there's a lot of us, so it feels normal-ish. Luna came in hard for some serious snuggles today, and I wasn't mad about it. That dog is MY support animal.

*Meals. You guys have blown me away. The kids were fed a hot meal last night while I was still here and had breakfast for today supplied as well. They were thrilled! Kristin made HOMEMADE ranch dressing, and the kids were FLOORED. And now I HAVE to tell them that Ranch doesn't always have to come from a bottle....and I'm pretty sure they're on to me and my lack of skills in the kitchen. I've been had.

I do want to add... when we post BAIL here, we really only need meals for 4-5 people. Tony won't be able to eat anything solid for a while, and Elijah is away house sitting. We are GOOD at leftovers. And, I'm pretty sure that after 4 days of hospital food, a diet of bone broth might be beneficial for me as well. 🤣

I will update as things change. But, for now, please please keep praying. We need this pain better managed, and we need Tony *drinking* some food before they'll even think about letting us go.

*UPDATES*
3/29 12:30pm
* Tony has not improved a whole lot.
His pain is still very high when the pain cocktail wears off, and when he's sleeping, he says there is still substantial pain. He is asleep most of the time and quite out of it. I have been able to have VERY little communication with him. I'm not sure if he even knew I was here yesterday.

*Dr. Fuke would like to start clear fluids tomorrow. (So, yep, another stay at the most STERILE B&B on the market. Hot dog!)
He has also ordered an MRI to see if there's an anatomical issue with Tony's pancreas.

*They really are just trying to keep him comfortable. He does throw up most of the time that he gets a dose of the intravenous pain meds. Nurses deserve medals. Every day. Dang. I think I deserve one, too. I had to find a garbage can and hold it. This is love.

*The kids are as well as can be expected. My biggest empath, Ezrah, slept with me last night. Or rather, ON me. Matilda and Aurora seem to be fighting a little cold. Micah is bummed he missed school yesterday and tarnished his perfect school attendance record.
The E Team brought a grocery delivery and so so much more last night while I was here at the hospital. Even treats for LUNA. 💜
We had a lovely dinner from my dear friend, Alicia. Luna pooped upstairs. First "accident" in AGES, and I'm pretty sure it's cause she loves me so much, knew I dealt with barf, and wanted to bless the kids. That dog. Love her.

*I am hanging out here mostly to help field and answer doctor or nurse questions. Based on Tony's lifestyle, they want to dig a little deeper to see if a stint might be necessary since we don't think there is any family history of this, he's not a big drinker, and he's otherwise very healthy.

*Amelia has a match today, and I'm thankful the village has stepped in to get her to and from.
Did I mention she turns 18 on Sunday? Another adult. We did it. 4 more to go.
Elijah is probably as exhausted as me since night one, he didn't go to bed till 7am and still had to go to work that morning. He's the best though. Such an awesome kid!

There's no way to thank everyone. Those of you rallying around us. I was just able to use a Door Dash giftcard for lunch. Isn't that the greatest invention ever?! I almost cried, though, to the delivery driver when he walked up with my food and said, "You take care and have a great day, ok!?" Gulp. The man even had to park. At the HOSPITAL!?

Anywho. Apologies for my "wordiness." (This is probably why I failed college English.) But, if nothing else, when we are FINALLY through the fiercest storm of our 23 year marriage, I'll look back through the sweet tears of victory and reLIVE every word of this trial with nothing but AWE and gratitude. 

*UPDATES*

4:25pm 3/28/23

*Tony is quite out of it. They have finally found a pain medication that allows him to sleep, but when it wears off and he wakes, he's in "unbearable" pain. Honestly, he's not improving.

 *We have been moved from the ER and are in a room upstairs at Legacy Salmon Creek.

*The doctors are leaning towards a diagnosis of Pancretitis. Tony's lipase level was over 3000. "Normal range" is 7-59!! But, the computer number only goes UP to 3000. He's maxed it out.

*They are keeping him overnight at the least so they can starve him (not even kidding) and pump him with fluids, as well as manage his pain. The doctors would like to do an MRI when his pain is more controlled to see if there is a genetic "deformity" (for lack of a better word) because he has had this before (in 2019) and they are wondering if there's something "kinked," or slightly abnormal causing this to reoccur.

*There is no blockage. No sight of gallstones. Appendix and liver are clear.

*His blood pressure is significantly high. (Could be situational) We need that to come down.

*I am waiting around for the evening to see if he cognitively comes around and can have a conversation. Then I will head home to sleep and hug my babies and dog. Then, back tomorrow.

Thank you, VILLAGE. So many have reached out to me, and if you've texted him, you've probably heard from me as I have his phone. Thank you for loving and supporting US. I'm trying to get back to each of you.

The meals, the donations, the love, the offers to bring me coffee. Bless you. Thank you also for letting me be real raw and vulnerable. 

ORIGINAL POST:

I've spent more time in hospitals in the last 8 months than I have EVER cared to. I'm grateful for the doctors and nurses. But, the smells, the hard chairs, the whirring of machines, the drip drops of IV's, the cold rooms, the buzz of the blood pressure cuff. It's like its own symphony. It feels like a dark melody with no crescendo or end. It's just steady. And then, the door BURSTS open, it's nurses or doctors, and, sometimes, they knock. It's startling, to say the least. 

And here we are again. And this one feels all-encompassing. This time it's Tony.

Tony and I were gifted Trail Blazer tickets last night. The seats were great. The game went south. But, we were on date night together. That's all that mattered. 

Around 10 p.m., Tony started having some pains. At 12 a.m., Elijah drove him to the ER. (I was thinking it'd be a quick round of pain meds, and they'd be home.) So, I stayed home. Aurora woke at 3am with a headache (Matilda had a headache yesterday, too), and Luna was having NONE of it with all the constant pitter patters of feet. It was PLAY time. I stayed in touch with Elijah all night, and the 3 of us didn't sleep. Nor did Luna. (Bless that DOG!) Then, the doctor's decided to admit Tony.

I came down to the hospital at 6am so Elijah could go home to sleep.

Tony would kill me for sharing all of this. But, listen. I need support. I am beyond overwhelmed. I simply don't know how to keep holding it all in. And I know it takes a village.

We are on alert with Ezrah, of course, and now, Tony. We have another kiddo who's just simply struggling. And...the cherry on top? Elijah was in a car accident (he was admittedly at fault) last September. It happened the day before he turned 19. The couple he hit have hired attorneys and are claiming ALLLL kinds of injuries. They have claimed extensive injuries and are apparently unable to work. They are asking for a significant chunk of money. (Elijah's car has a minor scratch. But, at the scene, he did not think to call the police or take photos. It was his first accident.) On Thursday, we were notified that they sent a demand letter to Allstate on March 13 to get this settled. Allstate had 14 days to respond. We've still heard nothing, but I'm sick over it. Over ALLL OF IT.

I am waving the white flag. I need help, but I don't know how or what I need. That is always so hard for me to ask. (The kids have graciously been given a meal for tonight.) The overwhelming feeling is dark. Gritty. Hard. This is NOT a post about me... but about our family. It feels so needy. It seems like a story, right? Like, how much can our family take? But, then I think about Nashville. ABSOLUTELY GUT-WRENCHING. I think about those kids who are diagnosed terminal. I think of my 2 girlfriends who lost their husband's to cancer wayyyy too young. It isn't fair. But, It could BE so MUCH worse. This I know full well. We have breath. It just feels hard. So FREAKING hard.

Would you pray for Tony's healing?

Would you pray that our medical bills can be small to non-existant? Or forgiven entirely.

Would you pray for Matilda and Aurora, who have not been feeling 100%?

Would you pray for Ezrah's leg and the mysterious inflammation?

Would you pray for one of our kiddos who is just hurting?

I don't know how long we will be here at the hospital. But, again, I ask for grace with the tennis community. Elijah really does try to step in and help Tony's load, but he's only allowed to do so many hours. I know this has been an unpredictable 8 months, and he's had to miss more work than in his entire 23-year career at Vancouver Tennis Center.

If you know Tony, you know he's private. He's quiet sometimes (except at home) and doesn't share a lot. Guess what? Tony married Becky, who is loud and over-shares. They go together like PB&J. But, I do say all that tongue-n-cheek because I do want to honor his privacy. But, right now, we need a rally of warriors who are willing to go to bat with us and hit it hard.

This was literally hours before his pain began.