CT Scan was TODAY! (2/14)

They say kiddos who've spent a stint in the hospital, or with medical issues just get used to all the tests, pokes and prods. Eventually. "They" say. 

It's been over 5 months, and Ezrah still hasn't. Nothing about ANY of this feels normal and not scary. I'm not sure she will ever get "used to" it. I do think she's surprised herself and ALL of us with her resilience. She just. keeps. going. She's done everything she's been asked of. But, there's fear. And THAT is something I will never unsee. It's not fair. Please hear me, there are those suffering SOOOO much worse. I know this well. It's not a competition with who's fear or ailment trumps the other. FEAR is valid. And life is FRAGILE. BUT.... When you see FEAR in your child's eyes. When they become paralyzed to find words. When they tip their head down and just look at their shoes. When the tears well up. When the mask hides their trembling lips. When the cold, sterile rooms chill the bones and warm blankets are ordered. THAT is what breaks me down.

Fear doesn't mean we've lost our faith. Fear means we are human and we FEEL. We're allowed to cling to our faith and still feel scared or fearful.

Today's CT Scan was no exception. Fear was present. Now, all we can do is wait to hear the results.

And there is fear in the waiting. I'm getting kinda tired of the "f word."

"Give me an answer

Give me the way out

Give me the faith

To believe in these hard times"

These Hard Times - Need to Breathe